Cures For Masturbation

Are you fed up of your son slipping spunk encrusted socks into the laundry?

Are his sheets stuck together like the hardest glue?

Are you someone's son and you are suffering from red raw hands caused by sliding it to and fro on your sockledodger?

Do any of the above apply to you but you don't trust the catholic church enough to enter into your house to perform the only obvious solution to your problem, which is of course an exorcism by Cesare Truqui?

Then fear not, for help is at hand (no pun intended!!)

We here at Ghost Stories Manor, having been scouring high and low for a way to help those of you at their wits end with winkle waggling and the ensuing gooey mess covering your fingers, hands, wallpaper, ceilings and any old loose garment you find at hand to clear up your gummy explosion.

Wiki How, no less, are sporting a god send guide to help you curtail your tail tugging for good.

From the Wiki How guide on how to curb a masturbation addiction!

The author, rather than state that masturbation is a normal and healthy sexual activity, as long as it is practiced in private, states that, if 'you belong to a religion or philosophy that forbids masturbation, then it's possible to curb the impulse, gather your self-discipline, and take control of your urges.'

The author then goes on to outline a nine step guide to curing an addiction to masturbation, followed by some handy tips such as :-

•  Think about your family or anyone else and what they would think if they were watching you. (eeewww!!!)
• Set tiny goals for yourself, start with going 3 days clean, the third day is the speed bump, get past that and you KNOW that you're committed. Then go a week, then 10 days, then two weeks, then 17 days, etc. (Of course we all know about the third day pud pulling speed bump!!)
• Take your mind off it with (non-sexual) music.

The article ends with a couple of warnings, the second of which, we here at Ghost Stories fully concur :-

• Remember that members of the clergy and medical professionals are human and susceptible to error, too. If you ask someone for help and he or she suggests a remedy you find highly uncomfortable, seek a second opinion.

Yes, quite!

Good luck!

Catholic Priest Cites Exorcism As Perfect Cure For Excessive Masturbation

As the Catholic Conference On Exorcism trundles to it's conclusion today, yet another lunatic attending the event has spouted forth a load of old baloney on why exorcism is enjoying a renaissance and the type of maladies it can be used to treat.

Earlier in the week we heard from  Professor Giuseppe Ferrari, who has come to the conclusion that vampire films are being used as a recruiting tool for Satan, via the use of the archetype of  'Beautiful Young Vampires' who apperently make their victims drink blood and then 'encourage them to have 'special sexual relations' to obtain 'special powers.'

The conference is overseen by Father Gabriele Amorth who in the past has claimed that IVF fertility treatment, gay rights and 'a host of other things' were visible signs of the threat of 'existential evil' to society.

 Fear not, as it looks like there are more kooks to keep us entertained right up until the final day.

The latest contender for the devil in the mirror prize goes to Father Cesare Truqui, a Mexican priest who has 'trained as an exorcist.'

The highlights of Truqui's exorcism career, apparently, straight from the horses mouth are removing the devil from a woman who combed her hair for eight hours a day and another man who compulsively masturbated, 'sometimes many times a day.'

Unfortunately, Truqui does not give us any follow up information on these case studies, so we are in the dark so as to speak, about whether the woman now combs her hair less, or if the masturbators hand is less sore, although perhaps his testicles are more swollen with billions of frustrated sperm.

Let's hope the last day of the conference doesn't disappoint!

CLICK HERE for The Spellbound Formula - By Mehow, from the Yahoo! "The Girls Game" series