Well, if you are a gullible fool and believe every paranoid Christian preacher who spouts forth crap about sex being for the purposes of reproduction only, it's time to consign your sex toys of sin to the dustbin.
In a frankly quite hilarious article, 'author' Mack Major declares that vibrators and sex toys are tools of the devil and he uses some great pseudo historical research to back up his ridiculous claims.
The opening paragraph gives away the fun that's going to be had later in the article, when he declares that 'many of the homes and palaces within Pompeii were painted with detailed frescos (sic) of very graphic, pornographic sexual scenes.' He then tells us that we should 'keep in mind' that Pompeii was destroyed by a sudden volcanic eruption. Of course, the sub text of Mack Major's premise here is that the eruption was some sort of divine retribution from god for the practice of sexual perversions.
Major goes on to describe in some detail, many artifacts of what he deems to be of a 'graphic, pornographic and sexual' nature that have been unearthed in Pompeii and the surrounding area. Of course, to any sane person, it would be obvious that the relics that Major Paddywack pertains to be of Satan's toolbox are actually the vestiges of a pagan fertility cult that was wiped out by the advance of Christianity and the Roman Catholic church.
Major goes on to contend that the people of Pompeii were 'completely engulfed in a culture of pornography, homosexuality, wild orgies and the worship of the little god with the huge member known as Priapus.' Mack completely misses the fact (and perhaps is far too stupid to realise) that the area around Pompeii up to and including the mountainous volcanic area, had extremely rich soil with a very high potassium content which was due to the activity of what he describes as the 'sleeping volcano.' Hence the many fertility symbols that have been found in the area, should be seen as the local population celebrating the areas rich and abundant harvests.
It can obviously be noted that the people of that time were not saddled with the guilt which the church tied to sexuality as a means of exerting social control.
He goes on to inform us that Priapus was worshiped by 'throngs of followers,' who 'honored him by offering prayers to (sic) and rubbing on the erect phallus of his statue. He then lets us into the secret that 'those who really wanted his blessings did more than just rub the appendage with their hands....and I'll just leave it at that.'
One starts to get the feeling here that Mack is reaming his sockledodger fast and furious in one hand, whilst he uses the other to type with one finger (although he may be occasionally using that one to finger his asshole too, which may make for a rather unsharable computer keyboard!)
Wack then goes on to share with us some interesting research he has done on homosexual communities within the United States (and Canada!) where he tells us that 'right now' there are 'several branches of an odd religious organization known as the Church Of Priapus, where the adherents 'worship the male penis as a holy thing.'
Within their church buildings, we are told, can be found 'huge statues of the male sex organ.' and one of their premises is actually built in the shape of 'male genitalia, seen only from an aerial view point.' Unfortunately Mack does not give us the exact geographic co-ordinates of this building, so you will need to speculatively fly your drones over a very large area in order to locate this particular wonder of the world.
With what sounds like uncanny insider knowledge, our hero let's us know that within these dastardly buildings, services include such things as 'actual sexual orgies among the members as part of he worship.' After his diligent research, Major Wack reveals to us that 'almost all adherents of this particular faith are gay or bisexual males.'
So it 'comes as little surprise, Priapus churches are very popular in many homosexual communities around the country.' Mack doesn't specify which country he means here, as he has previously referenced both the United States and Canada. When I get around to it later in the week, I'll include a readers poll so you can all vote on which of those two countries is actually the gayest. My bet is on the United States, but the jury is out for the moment.
In the articles increasingly ludicrous waffle, we are also availed of the knowledge that archaic sex toys have been found from all over the ancient world, including 'Egypt, the Americas and 'Budapest.' We are also offered the insight that many of these sex toys are actually life size which Mack speculates could mean that many of these artifacts have actually been used by women in those particular times.
Mack doesn't tell us if he's researched any of these particular items further by perhaps sniffing them to check for ancient vaginal odors, or maybe slowly slipping one between his lips and tickling his tongue over the glans to attempt to detect the flavor of historical pussy.
What he does know however, is that ancients masturbated with these items in order to make their 'cattle more fruitful.'
And let's face it, who doesn't like a fruity cow!
All this leads us to the conclusion of the article, and of course, we all know what's coming here....
'Many of you who are reading this have sex toys in your possession 'RIGHT NOW!' And whether you accept it or not, those sex toys are a portal between the demonic realm and your own life. As long as you have those sex toys in your home, you have a doorway that can allow demons to not only access your life at will but also torment you, hinder and destroy certain parts of your life as it relates to sex and relationships.'
And there's more....
'And for some of you the damage has already been done, find out how to close the door on those sex demons once and for all and take your life back' To find out of course you need to buy Mack Majors book 'diva, goddess, Queen : Breaking The Power Of Soul Ties, Lust and Sexual Demons.'
And before we go, perhaps we need to give a little advice to Mack Major himself.
You know, you come across as sounding in this article as if you may be somewhat sexually repressed. Also, if I may say so, completely gay.
And let that be a warning to you dear readers, as to what can happen if you repress your own healthy sexuality. It will completely possess you like the devil itself and lead you to write whole books that describe your very sexual nature whilst being completely blind to the fact.
No comments:
Post a Comment